Misfire

Postscript

What logic is there
In our failures
To communicate ?
There shouldn’t be
Such a kind of disruption as this

Is there a reason
That these failures
Are seismic shifts between us
Between the baggage that we’ve carried
And the road ahead ?

Are we to continue
With this folly ?
Are we wise ?

You broke down at the weight
Of your geology
And exclaimed their burdens
As I listened
Trying to articulate
My understandings

And now you will not rise from the bed
I have brought you a little food
And whilst I am hopeful
That this reunion after battle
Could lead to a deeper
And more stable reparation
I see the possibility
That your habits of defense
Will fight for you
Against me
To another bitter end

Breach

In the chair,
Where I am now,
With this brown leather case on my lap,
And the sun on my back,
I can hear the wind in the pines,
The birds,
And a car.

On this veranda,
Where I am,
I know,
I feel,
That we are past.
Especially since,
And it was I that suggested the metaphor,
I had shrunk.

We are strangers again;
Reduced to islands,
Bridges drawn,
Separate,
Scattered,
And foolish now,
Too,
I think,
As tempting as it is to attempt a crossing.

And now that we're disconnected,
A wind bares down,
Deep,
Into this uncrossable river,
Wide enough ahead of me from where I am,
The two of us,
No longer together.

But,
In the realm Of the finished,
Where walls can be breached,
The end that is open...
Is an end that can once more
Brings us together.

La Chute

Last night I stood on that balcony,
And whilst the both of you,
Inside,
Talked about this and that,
I suddenly threw myself over.
Neither of you noticed at first,
But I'd disappeared,
…Obviously over
Where else could I have gone ?
Twenty stories up
That Parisian block
It just occurred to me to do it.
I hadn't considered it;
It was the lights and the distance;
I was staggered by the view,
And
It’s unforgivable,
This must be certain,
To have just gone like that,
Without a warning,
And now the shock that you are in
And why ?
And what for ?
I’d only just gone out there for a peek.
Then I would have come back in and
Had a little more of the wine that I’d poured.
I’d had every intention of finishing it,
I’m just as ashamed as you,
I’d indulged myself
Showing off.
I thought,
In that instant,
Like a snap of electricity,
"They won’t be expecting that!"
And so there it is,
Unsolvable for you lot.
But for my reasons ?
Nothing more than, I’d been overcome
By one last bout
Of self sacrificial childishness.

Mountains

You've told me
And I try to understand
I can hear the meaning
But
I
Can't understand you
This
These movements of yours
Like
Thrashing
You're thrashing about
And It's
Complicated if I care
And simple if I don't

Last night I was angry
You kept me awake
This morning you flew
About the room
Your dark spectre
In my head
Violence rocked
I fought with blood
And filth
Spitting

All I want to do
Really
Is hold you
In my arms
To make peace
And start this thing over
Hold
Each others eyes
To our minds
And see clearly

But this storm that has raged so hard
Here
Against us
Is so born
Of our mountains
This damned topography
That it has made us
Both
Impossible to climb

Alchemy

I’m back in England
Slotted in
Grasping my crayons and tools
Steering ahead
And picking up tables
Offered gratis
In somebody’s drive

And you’re still here
Shadows dancing
Slightly away
Tangled for moments
There and there
Grasped by pensive reeds downstream
Along the current of minds time
Out of which
I
Become
Always become
Be
Come
Be

I tend to your pressures
And tap the glass
Shaking fluids
Stirring up humus
Ambrosia
Prime material
Distillation
Marks
Indexing
Charged
Particles
Your invisible currents
Dispersed
Immersed
Within blooms carbon fruit
And times needy patterned symmetry
Bearing words
And images
Painting
Invisible
Marking
Bearing
Riding
Holding
Forming
And finally

Loved again

In forgiveness

Connections

I was walking back
This late afternoon
From Christina’s studio where
I’d scanned
Laboriously
Work
That I’d done for a magazine

The scanner
Was artist placed
That’s awkward
And
Impossible to reach
So
Each image was at an angle
(I had to kneel to do this)
And also
Because
And probably everything because
I couldn’t make out application menus in French

I was punching buttons
Hoping that sense
Would bare fruitful function
From generic tools
But no
And I got annoyed
My irritation
Reverberating from the walls

Then I thought
I’ll just photograph these pages
Do these later
Or tomorrow
Borrow
A digital camera
It’ll look better anyway
And I can get out of there
Although
It had all been a complete waste of time

Walking back then
I’m thinking about
The wasted time
And how it can be saved
Doing it like this
With words
Dying
Assured

Then Angel calls
(That’s Gabriel)
Calling cautions to his dog
Scattering about through Paris
And I ask him if he has a camera
And his partner does
Michaela

And I’m wondering whether
I might be a nuisance
They have a baby
And on the way
To the house
He calls
To ask
That maybe
Because things are a little chaotic
That maybe
(I’m just outside the house)
That maybe
I should arrive in half an hour

So I go to the corner
Not enough Euros in my wallet
After the banana
And the nuts
The bar won’t take my card for a single drink
So I walk past
Once or twice
Dawdling this
In my head
And walk off to the bank
Walking
Thinking
I’m walking too much
And as this goes down
I think
I’m thinking
That I’m denigrating this project
To save wasted time
Wasting more time
Over this
But Christina calls
And says she’s glad
That I’d picked up her charger